Oops
by mMadKittYy
Summary: What happens when Naruto 'accidently' kicks Sasuke's jewels? Three times? … In a row? Warnings and full summary inside… Sasunaru. Narusasu. Mpreg. Lemon. Lime. Sakura Bashing. Other pairings. AU. My insane humor and sarcasm... etc...
1. Prologue The Accident

Sasunaru – Oops…

**Hey people! Here I am again! After a **_**few **_**months… Okay, I screwed up. My story Hotaru To Chou, isn't going anywhere. Out of boredom, I started reading Sasunaru and Narusasu. It rocks! And I thought of a very nice (perverted) plot. But it does not fit in with the anime and manga, so here you go, slightly AU. ***_**Le Gasp!* **_**(Couldn't resist xD)**

**The settings (Not plot!):** **Sasuke killed Itachi, then was dragged back by Naruto. They're both 16, so is Sakura. Right now, Naruto and Sakura want to be Hokage, so they're rivals. Although Naruto doesn't want a mini war, Sakura does. And most are siding for her. (Since the promise Naruto and Sakura had has been fulfilled, Sakura sees Naruto as annoying again, seeing as Sasuke still doesn't want her) Sakura is still 'in love' with Sasuke. Sasuke and Naruto are still best friends. Akatsuki is still after Naruto.**

**So yea. I know it's standard and all, but who cares, my plot is original. Bet nobody thought of Sasuke's dear Jewels! Right? Right! *Having a very interesting conversation with herself, which you cannot listen to, Whahaha!* And of course, it has Mpreg. Which story of mine has no Mpreg? Right, none! (Mainly because this is my second story, but that does not matter in any way!) So yea, time for the plot!**

**When Sasuke can't concentrate on training, and Naruto is in a bastard mode, what can go wrong? A lot of course! Warnings: Mpreg, Slight AU, Jewel Abuse, Sasunaru, Narusasu, Lemon, Lime and my insane humor! *Insert scary thunder here* **

**Anyway, on with the story… (And yes, normal this part of the story is filled with my rambling about my life… xD)**

**-X-**

**Lemon alert! (Mhaha, first thing you read is lemon, I'm evil!)**

**-X- Sasuke's POV –X-**

Yanking on the leash, I bought his face closer to mine, kissing it. My other hand sliding down the small of his back and groping his ass. His small yelp bought a smirk to my face. Sliding my finger in his hole, I got a evil idea. Slowly letting go of his mouth with my own, sliding down his chest en stomach, stopping by his balls, sucking softly.

His moans like heaven to my ears.

Grapping his thighs and pulling them up and apart, I slid down further with my tongue, to his hole. Dripping it in I heard his loudest moan yet. Sending shivers down my spine with his moans, I continued my ministrations. Finally dubbing him stretched enough, I stopped, pleased to hear his whine of protest.

Getting up, looking in his beautiful blue eyes, I silently asked for his okay. I did this every time, not wanting to hurt him. I see him nod, and he puts an arm behind my neck, pulling me closer for a kiss. Of course, I don't resist, and slowly slide into him. He whimpers slightly, but other than that, he lets me continue.

Rocking my hips slightly, trying not to hurt him. "F-Faster, Sa-Sasuke…" There was no point in denying I almost came when he said my name, but that is unimportant right now. Going all out, I go as fast as I can, my blonde haired boyfriend moaning beneath me. "Sasuke… Ngh… Oh god, _the weather is beautiful! Look outside!_

Jolting up in my bed, looking around my room hoping to find a certain blonde haired idiot that caused the mess in my head. Not finding the cheerful blonde anywhere, I step out of my bed. Looking, surprised, down to my very tight boxers, who could not hide my excitement. Normal speaking, I always came when I had a wet dream. Which was almost every night for some time now. And always with that idiotic dobe too. I couldn't really understand where these dreams came from, but I did know that they where annoying.

Once again looking down with a sign, I set track for the bathroom. Wet dreams, okay, I could kinda deal with those, I wasn't capable of stopping them. However, jerking of was something I would never do. So a very, _very _cold shower is it then.

-X-

I was walking towards the training grounds, having promised to train with Naruto, Kakashi, Sai and _Sakura_ *Insert instant shiver here, just ad Sakura.*. Most of the time I did not agree with them, because it was just mocking me. Running away and coming back didn't go without punishment, and mine was to stay in Konoha for the next five years.

Tsunade first wanted to put me in a Genin team, but not only were the children terrified of me, the parents didn't agree. So I'm stuck without mission, or something to do. Training with my former team is worse than Naruto rubbing in my face that I couldn't leave. And let me tell you this, that was not nice either. He is _literally rubbing_ it in your face. With ramen I might add.

Just, you know, getting back at the wet dream, I have no idea where those come from! I mean, Naruto _isn't _my boyfriend, even though my mind wants me to think that. Heck, I don't even have a crush on him. And _no_, smart ass, I also don't love him.

Honestly, they're starting to get on my nerves. I don't really try to stop them, seeing as they're almost the only entertainment I will have in 5 years. And I don't see Naruto or Sakura that much at all anymore, so it isn't hard to hide.

Walking mindlessly on the path that I have taken a hundred times before, I go sit down on my usual spot, but I don't stop thinking. Stretch that. Uchiha's never stopped thinking. I didn't stop thinking about those _freaking dreams_.

Even when everyone was there, and Kakashi started to talk, I didn't stop thinking about it. I only caught parts of what he was saying; "Cover up", "Not covert up means bad, bad, lonely future", "Pay attention _Uchiha_, this _will _screw up your future- wait sorry. Already screwed up, continue your idiotic thinking" and "This is very important."

Honestly I didn't care. As things were right now, Kakashi was right, my life was already screwed. Everyone, including Naruto, realizing this, did not make me pay attention. They dragged me here in the first place to get me some air, and the second to make me feel very, **very** _sad_.

However, I did notice when everyone stood, and when Naruto pushed me a few feet father. Standing right before me in his fighting stance, it was damn right easy to guess I was supposed to fight him. However, I never really tried anymore. He knows this. And also the reason why he always wanted to fight me. And the fact that Sakura hated- no, despised him. But that was not the point. To the people watching it seemed that I really tried to win, which earned Naruto, each time somebody passed by a, "_Go Naruto, you can beat that Basterd!"_ Yea, nobody except for my _fangirls_ *insert spine breaking shiver here* and Naruto, nobody wanted me back in the village.

But, you see, between Naruto and Sakura, one of these would be the new Hokage. And then they would surely have gotten me back to the village. And most people would admit that having me _outside _the village wasn't very optimistic either. So, yea, here I am! Whoop-die-Whoo! *insert stoic Uchiha face with party hat here.*

But back to the fight. Naruto was running towards me, with clones at both his sides. Even with no effort at my part, I could easily wipe them out. This goes on for about half an hour. I'm seriously getting tired of this. Why won't he attack in some other way? In the background I hear Sakura shouting "Go for his way to tiny balls, Sasuke-kun!" This, I will very politely, _decline._

One dream a night is enough, thank you very much.

Having enough of this little game, I started to only block serious attacks. This move, however, sealed my _doom._

Not being able to block a attack from above and from beneath at the same time, I blocked above, thinking that Naruto will never kick my precious Uchiha Jewels. They're an Uchiha's pride, thank you very much. And seeing as I'm the last Uchiha, those Jewels have a very important use for people who want the sharingan to stay in this world.

I thought Naruto belonged to those sharingan loving people. Boy, was I _wrong_.

And it _hurt. __**Allot**__._

Right before he kicked me, I heard a few gasps, and an distant _"You idiot!" _from Kakashi and the real Naruto, who stood a few foot away, panting from overuse of those clones.

The clone Naruto poofed away right after kicking me a _second time_ when his body dragged his legs with himself. I bet Naruto wanted to poof his clone before he hurt me. Slow, idiotic, _dobe_.

I fell to the ground, having nothing better to do then shiver and whimper in _pain. _Very soon after that all to clones poofed away, and I saw that Sakura and Naruto were running towards me. And right now, for some very, very, _very_ odd reason, I wanted Naruto to comfort me.

…

Not for Sakura to push him aside the moment she had the change too. Which se did. Which made me even madder. My dobe's _crush_ however saw this as the sign that I (her words:) _"Finally hated Naruto just as much as I do."_ That was totally wrong of course.

But as I said before I was almost screaming in pain and could not disagree. Naruto however saw this as a sign that I agreed, and didn't come closer. Sakura however, did come closer. _Too_ close even.

-X-

Half an hour later, I am walking ahem_**crawling**_ahem atop of the roofs, Naruto besides me, escorting me home. Ahem. Ahem. _Ahem. _Cough. Sorry, toad in my throat. (Dutch saying; Kikker in je keel.)

He was constantly laughing at me, trying and failing _horribly_ to lift the mood. Then, the idiot did the only thing I thought he was smart enough not to do. He pushed me. Of the roof. Into a very, very, _very_ misplaced fence. Of course, not wanting to fall on my face, I _wanted_ to land on my feet.

Yea, that didn't go as planned.

Wanted to land with my feet on the fence. However… Thanks to my off balance because, damn, _it_ still hurt!

My feet did touch the fence. But they also slipped past the fence… One leg on each side of the fence.

Damn dobe!

You guess the rest, right?

"Aargh!" Thanks to my now completely off balance, I slipped off the fence, and fell to the ground. But this was very useful, because I was just about to go lie down, very peacefully of course, and _scream_.

Thankfully this time, there were no annoying fangirls, only Naruto. And being the _good_ friend he was, sat beside me and put my head on his shoulder, while rubbing my shoulder and my head, while saying; "Sasuke? You okay? Man that looked _painful_."

And yes, he earned himself a Uchiha glare. But, right now, at the moment, I was a little _preoccupied_. That and you can't glare somebody to death when you have tears in your eyes.

After a few minutes on the ground, Naruto decided that this position was awkward. He decided I should stand. So he lift me up. Which _hurt._

"We probably should go to Tsunade-Baachan…" "Y-yes, y-you stupid d-d-dobe… Argh!" You can believe me or not, but I got my point across.

Naruto put my hand on his shoulder and sat down, so that I could climb on his back for a piggy back ride. This _would_ have been a good idea, but when I tried to pry my legs apart… Let's just say I did not whimper. Okay I did, but _very_ manly.

He signed, stood and looked at me, him being slightly shorter than me. We both knew what to do. Which was the reason for this awkward silence. Both swallowing very audible, Naruto leaned down, hooked his arms behind my knees and shoulders… and lifted me bridal style.

How embarrassing. No, no. Very humiliating… Yea, that was the word.

After a nod from both of us, Naruto ran. And when I say ran, he _ran._ Very, very fast. Right though the window of the Hokage tower. Rolling over the floor, I couldn't stop a scream from escaping my mouth. Believe me, that… was… _painful._

And all that Tsunade did was crock a brow, and _stare._

I almost wanted to ask if it was normal that people burst through her window. But then I shut up. Seeing three other windows, well, broken.

"Tsunade-baachan! You need to look at Sasuke's um… Jewels." "And why brat, would I look at _those?"_ Apparently, looking at my –almost- crying body on the ground, clutching my 'Jewels', tells enough.

"How many times, Naruto?" "Three." He looked shameful to the ground. "And who, might I ask, did this?" "…Me."

Tsunade sighed, walked over to the door and disappeared.

A while later she came back, with a very weird tread, a little pot and gloved hands. She walked over to me and sat down.

"What arouses you the most, Uchiha?" "Eh?"

"Look, to see if everything is okay down there, I have to put this tread though… Well you _know. _And this is much, much easier to do when your aroused. So start to think of something arousing or I get something that will arouse you."

"Hell no! Have you any idea how much that hurts? And how embarrassing that is?" Thank god, I was so baffled, I could speak again.

Tsunade clearly looked pissed. She looked at Naruto and weaved him to sit beside her. Then she whispered in his ear. Then Naruto turned disgusted. Then I became _scared._

"This is your fault, you better do it." "But why me?" "Because your blonde and have blue eyes and every Uchiha will become aroused by that!"

And then there was a very awkward silence.

"Alright, fine."

He gulped, then moved and sat between my legs. '_What the hell is he planning?' _My question was quickly answered when he started working on removing my pants. "What the hell! Dobe!"

"Sorry." Was the only thing he said when he pulled my pants and underwear of off me. Of course, I was trying to stop him. Trying. Not succeeding.

"Dude, your balls are blue." "What?" I tried to sit up, but Tsunade hold me down. "Just let him do this." Was the answer to my questioning gaze.

And then I felt it. A thong on my member. It made the pain go away slightly too. It felt _good._ For a very strange reason of course.

Somewhere in my mind I registed that Naruto was giving me a blow job. Somewhere, far, far away. He engulfed my member almost completely. It felt even better than in my dreams.

"Mmh, aah…" And then he stopped. I let out a very manly whimper. Naruto and Tsunade switched places, and Tsunade started working on getting the thread though my member. I think even the Akatsuki heard my scream.

-X-

Naruto and I sat both in a very awkward silence. Tsunade had left with my uhm… yea, you know. And was right now testing something. I have no idea what.

A few minutes later, she entered though the door and sat at her chair.

"I tested the… _uuhm… _essence, and I have bad news. Very bad news. Want to know?"

"I guess…"

"Can I first ask you some questions, Sasuke?"

I nod, getting scared, because, well, you don't want bad news about your _essence_.

"Do you want to have children?"

"Yea…"

"Do you jerk of allot?"

"What? No! Never!"

"Honestly, Sasuke…"

"I am honest!"

"Okay, okay! Are you a virgin?"

"Yes…"

"Do you have allot wet dreams?"

"…"

"Tsunade-Baa-chan, should I leave?"

She shakes her head, waiting for my answer. How embarrassing.

"Well, Sasuke?"

"Yes…"

"How much?"

"Almost every night…" I whisper. '_Please, God, please, I hope Naruto didn't hear that…'_

"Dude, you're a pervert…"

So much for that plan.

"Do you really, _really _want children, Sasuke."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"Then we might have a problem. You see, your jewels didn't take well to the abuse… They stopped making fishies."

"W-what?"

"You're allowed to blame Naruto."

"What the hell should I do?"

"Well, if you want children that badly, you'll have to have sex with a female. But you don't have much sperm left, so the changes that you'll get her pregnant, are less than 10%. And if you have a wet dream, your sperm will leave, if you get what I mean. I'm sorry."

I couldn't believe it. The only thing I was really living for, was taken away from me.

"Ne, Baa-chan? Can't we use… _that?_"

"Well, we could, but that would mean that you probably won't be Hokage, and your change at starting a real, happy family will most likely also go down the drain."

"I know but, this is my fault…"

Tsunade sighed, and then stood from her chair. "I'll leave you two to it."

She walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Awkward silence.

"Dobe, what is… _that?"_

Another pregnant silence. No pun intended.

"Well, you see… I'm kinda a hermaphrodite, which means I have two sexual organs. Only my… male parts worked fully, but the Kyuubi got bored, and messed around inside of me. I can still impregnate a female and stuff, but I can also carry a child. But my female parts aren't completely, 'okay' so I don't get periods or something, so the changes of me becoming pregnant if I have sex with another male are close to 100%."

"So, you are asking me to impregnate _you?"_

"Look, I know this shit is my fault, okay? I'm not so stupid. I know how much you want children. And my genes aren't that bad…"

"You do realize we have to have sex, right?"

"Not necessary… Tsunade-baa-chan can insert your sperm inside of me…"

"But you won't be able to become a Hokage! The moment they'll choose a new Hokage, you'll be around 6 months pregnant. Not to leave out the fact that Sakura and those fellows would hate you even more!"

Naruto stood up, and walked to the door, stopping right in front of it, with his hand on the door handle. "Look, Sasuke, we are best friends, right? I want to be Hokage, that is true. But I also want a family myself. I had to choose anyway, because when you're Hokage, you have no time to meet a lover of some sort, right? And therefore, this is all my fault. I feel guilty, and this is the least I can do."

"But I'll ruin your life!"

"Believe me if I say you won't. You know, just think about it, okay? But think fast, if you really have a wet dream every night, we'll have to do it today."

With that, he left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Xxx

**A/N: so… should I continue? I kinda like this story. It's standard, but not at the same time. This story will be mostly fluff and funny though. Of course, there will be some serious theme's and the sarcasm will get less sometime during the story… But that's about it. **

**I hope you liked it. Please don't flame! I will put that flame on your house, and you will die a painful, slow death… **

**Till next time :) **

**Oh, and I don't wanna be pushy or something, but I would like at least 15 reviews for an update, because then I know that people like this plot…**


	2. Authers note

Hey you guys.

Yea, I know…

It's been awhile. Sorry I guess.

It's not been going really well with me.

Or my family, to be precise.

We were kicked out of our house, because my parents didn't pay shit. Now, after a few month of living in a horrible house, we are at the point of being kicked out again.

…

To me, a 16 year old, it's difficult. The people that are trying to help us suggested that I live on my own.

Personally, I think this is a good idea. But it's going to be hectic.

But that aside, the reason for this author note;

Hotaru to Chou: I'm rewriting this. Not much will change. Just some detail fixes, and little story lines, like mistakes. Like the shooting; the swimming pool party thingy will be in Itachi's house. Hence the reason nobody heard the shooting. No major things.

Oops: I'm not really waiting for 15 reviews, I heard some complains and I'm sad that some people think the review standard as offensive, it wasn't meant that way. I just don't have time to write another chapter. I'm sorry, it will be here, someday.

I hope to finish both my stories before my internship, which is in like 1 and a half year. So, I hope to see you guys soon!

.XX MmadKittyY


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